Originally Posted by NikTes

Hi everybody. I've been reading through the threads but quieter than usual. It's been a busy time on this end.

Awful night last night, anxiety-wise -- work related. I had to host an event, my worst trigger for panic. I've learned, and I have to accept, that I can't agree to do these types of things EVER AGAIN. If anything brings out the AV monster, it's doing public events. I feel sick before, during, and after -- always used alcohol to manage that, which of course, didn't work out so well -- short term and long term consequences. Saying no to anything that will trigger my anxiety has to be part of my sober plan. Otherwise, I'll screw up my sobriety or I'll be beating myself up. Either way, I lose, unless I say no.

I've got to learn to accept who I am. A quiet, introverted person who doesn't like going out in public, and who can't be up behind the mic. This will mean career problems, so be it. I have to learn to protect myself.

Rant over.

xo

p.s. forgive me if I don't reread through this post for typos etc. I just want to send it off without fretting about another thing.

p.p.s. I have seen a doctor about my social anxiety/panic and do take beta-blockers when I need them... they work well, for me, for the physical symptoms (shaky hands, racing heart etc.) but not the emotional/mental ones.