You've already received some fabulous feedback. I hope you take it to heart, dear friend. I do want to echo that you haven't let anyone down but you. Because you're human & honest you're the perfect person to give advice.
I tell you this all the time & believe it with all my heart: You're gonna beat this, Charlie. This was simply another battle - not the entire war. You know now the gear you were carrying wasn't enough. What will you use next time?
Hugs to you.