WantToBeMe

I never drank until I was 23. Even then it was very little. I got divorced at 32, and ended up as a single Mom. I would have a glass of wine or beer per night just to relax. It wasn't every night, and I could take it or leave it.

Then things got worse. I had lots of life stressors and alcohol just helped. I would say that I drank about 2-3 drinks per night for the past 6 years. (I'm almost 40) This was average. I liked wine or whiskey, sometimes beer. Some nights it was one drink, some nights many more. Some nights nothing. But there were fewer and fewer days that I would not have a drink.

I had two truly scary blackout sessions. I made sure that I drank at home, so I wouldn't embarrass myself. I would rarely drink in public with friends. Alcohol put me to sleep after 2 drinks or I got way too chatty.

I was a night time drinker. I didn't like to drink Until after dinner or maybe while preparing dinner.

Fast forward, I was in a car accident and suffered a concussion 4 months ago. I had to stop drinking cold turkey. It was no problem for me... Maybe. I don't crave alcohol, I miss it. But I can see people drinking and not desire it. My fiancé has even cut severely. A bottle of wine would last in this house about 2 days, now it lasts for a week or two. I haven't touched a drop since My Diagnosis of the concussion which was a week after the accident. In between the accident and diagnosis, I only had 2 drinks that entire week.

About 2 weeks after the accident, I spiraled into severe depression and anxiety, which is not yet controlled. I am in therapy and on anti-depressants and a benzo. I have not had a "good day" since this all started.

So, what caused what? Did a pre existing anxiety condition cause me to drink? Or did my drinking cause my anxiety?

I am so scared that I will never lead a normal life and be able to be happy again. Interested in Hearing anything someone has to say. I am desperate for reassurance or the worst news that my life is ruined forever.