Old 04-26-2015, 02:29 AM
  # 5 (permalink)  
GracieLou
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Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Ohio
Posts: 3,785
Originally Posted by Scared1234 View Post
When I think about life without alcohol and why I have such a hard time abstaining, I almost freak out at the thought of not drinking
I had this same anxiety and panic but I did not recognize as a symptom of alcoholism. You are ahead of the game if you are already aware of this.

I was not having any fun anymore. I was drinking because of this type of panic. As soon as I drank it appeared the panic left but it didn't really leave, it was just coated with alcohol.

Originally Posted by Scared1234 View Post
when the house is quiet and I'm relaxing playing some video games or watching a movie. Or putting on an album while drunk. Everything is so much more fun and laid back. And I love to do it when all my responsibilities for the day are complete and I got all night to myself.
I also felt this way. How was I ever going to enjoy life again?

What I didn't realize at the time was that I was not enjoying life as much as I was hiding from it. It had done me wrong and the hours of TV watching while drinking was my escape.

Towards the end I was not getting much done anymore. The days of drinking after the work of the weekend was done were over. I had to drink and I attempted to do them while drinking and I never got very far. My reward was now just making it though the week at work and Saturday 6am drinking was my reward, this is how I justified drinking, I had earned it!

Originally Posted by Scared1234 View Post
My main question is How did you learn to keep enjoying things like music/movies/video games/unwinding at night without alcohol? They all seem so bland without alcohol. It's like someone forgot to add the salt y'know?
I was at the bottom and for the first time in my life, recovery was placed first before the reward. I didn't realize that recover in itself would be its own reward.

I still enjoy the same things and I have started to enjoy some things I forgot I liked years ago but that did not happen over night.

I had to get into recovery, learn about my alcoholism, take the time it demands and that I deserved to get healthy mentally. I only have one life and time was slipping away. I could sit on my couch and drink the rest of my life away or I could make a commitment to myself and recover. Does it take time? Yes. Does it take hard work? Yes. Does it change your life? Yes.

If you want a change then you have to change. Nothing changes if nothing changes. The panic, anxiety and the need for rewards will not go away by just setting down the bottle, more needs to happen.

You are the only person that can admit if you are an alcoholic and then do something about it other than to use alcohol as your solution. There is another way to live and view life, you have to ask yourself if you are sick and tired enough from drinking that you want it.
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