Originally Posted by
zoso77 
He acts that way because he's numbing himself to the point where he doesn't feel a thing.
If you took the drugs away from him, his emotions on a scale from 1 to 10, would be on 15. And he doesn't want to be on 15. He wants to be on 0.
This right here is everything. Even when you're deep in your addiction you have moments of clarity. You want to stop but then you look at your life and what you've done and well...it's just easier to keep using because poor you is the only person whose ever dealt with pain and people just don't understand how hard it is for you to be straight. And not being at a 15 is more important than anyone or anything else.
If I were you I would cut off contact with friends who know him or just ask these friends of yours not to tell you about him. I don't understand why they're even telling you about it when it's clearly hurting you...
The thing is you made the right choice leaving him. Staying with him would only bring more pain, worse pain, and obviously it was putting you in an unsafe situation.
Not you're in a place where you can begin to heal. And I know that probably feels impossible. I know what it's like to hurts so badly you can literally barely breath or find the energy to do something simple like take a shower or eat a meal...but that pain lessens. As it does your head will clear and you will see that you are in NO WAY to blame for ANY of this, there was nothing you could have done. It's hard to see that now but an addict will choose the drug over anyone or anything every time. And believe me, you don't want to be a part of that.