I found a lot of that feeling left me when I stopped drinking Zen.
It's hard to get a clear perspective on things when you're routinely pie-eyed.
In fact, even just a little alcohol was enough to keep me in a worldview where I was not worthy and the outside world was terrifying.
I've lost track on your story recently I have to admit.
If you're recently sober give yourself a little time.
If you're still drinking, this is another great reason to stop.
D