I really appreciate and understand (I think) what everyone is saying. You all make sense and I get that you are trying to help. What is frustrating for me is that I've intellectualized a lot of things... and I "get it" on that level. But when it comes down to you and your real feelings (not something described in a book or paper) it seems like cold comfort. No one can understand what another person feels... that is a fact. One can approximate, but that is it. But thank you all anyway... I feel the love and support here that I never got from y own family (tribe)