Originally Posted by
ArtFriend 
That is what is SO perplexing. Why, if did not cause - cannot cure - nor control, am I responding to my brother's current condition, my sister's past condition, or my family of origin's history of dysfunction? Is it because I canot deal with the pain or is it a pattern learned many years ago? No one was able to tell me HOW to deal with anything.
I had a little counselling - I think that would really help you too - but really the default position for me in early recovery was to sit with the feelings.
This was very hard to do because I'd convinced myself the pain of doing that might just kill me.
It didn't.
I'm not downplaying your pain at all - but we never know how capable we are until we take the crutches away.
I'm not suggesting you suffer in stoic silence either - do reach out to the support you have...I'm not going to lie - it will hurt. Yell you need help from the rooftops
but I don't think pushing the pain to one side by drinking makes it hurt any less...it just postpones the pain...but prolongs the agony.
D