Thank you to everyone for their support, it is actually a big help just to be able to share all of this with non judgemental people of like mind, I do not want to discuss it with family, friends, my doctor or others because the last thing I want is the 'alcoholic' icon above my head every time someone I know looks at me.
I have now made it two weeks, though last night was difficult, as I played a co-op game with a friend online, and he was intoxicated. But ice green tea came through for me again, filling that psychological need to have a drink near to hand.
As I mentioned, for the last few years I was home distilling my own spirits (technically not legal here in Australia, but unlike the U.S it is ignored by the authorities unless you do something stupid like sell it). One of the things I did before choosing to abstain was ensure my stock ran out, so I would have no easy-to-hand temptation, the thought being if I had to make the effort to go out and buy it, it would give my conscience time to reconsider doing it.
However a few days ago while shopping with my family, my partner (who rarely drinks, just a glass of red wine twice a month or so with dinner) came out of a nearby liquor store with a bottle of bourbon. I asked what it was for, and she said she thought I might like it.
This to me is very odd, since she knows I am making a big effort to abstain, and she is in fact the one who confronted me over drinking which turned into a very ugly and hurtful disagreement for the both of us. I could not fathom why she would so adamantly confront me over consuming alcohol, then over a week after I stopped drinking, buy some more for me.
I finally had a talk to her about it last night - it was bothering me that every time open the cupboard, I see it on the bottom shelf - she told me she was proud of my effort, and felt bad about our argument, and her pressure to stop, and said all she had wanted to do was get me to commit to reduce how much I drank, not completely deprive me of it, and she felt guilty.
I explained to her that although her confronting me was a catalyst, I chose to completely abstain myself, it was my decision and I take responsibility for it. She is relieved, and has secured the bourbon somewhere I am unaware of.
Just a point of interest, my partner's vice is weed (something I personally abhor, have never tried, and hate the smell of). She apparently used it before we met, then not at all for 10 years we are together, then started it up again the last two years or so. I thought it was harmless, until two or three times a week became three times a night, and her pressuring me to solicit the assistance of a family member to get it, when her usual supplier could not. Probably two months before she confronted me about alcohol, I confronted her about her dramatic increase in weed use. I am not a wowser, or against recreational weed use, but there is a point where it becomes a problem, like alcohol. Although that was also a nasty argument, she has dramatically decreased use back to twice a week (friday and saturday night). I half suspect my confrontation with her problem emboldened her to confront me with mine. While at the time both of these confrontations felt devastating and harmful to our relationship, I now feel that sometimes no matter how much it hurts, or how much it we all want to maintain harmony with our partners, sometimes it is more beneficial in the long run to upset the peace now, to ensure the harmony later.
Anyway, sorry about the rambling
Reading other threads, I see others grapple with similar issues.