You are right when you say it's hard not too take it personal. Addiction has too be one of the most frustrating diseases. It was only when I started to look at my AS as a sick individual was I able too step back . I would beg him, plead , yell, make bargains with him to stop using it was total insanity on my part . I was wasting my energy on a person with absolutely no logic . As I call it he suffered from the "If Syndrome " if he had a better job, a nicer place to live, the list went on off ifs ! You see the addict truly believes there okay. If they can fix all the other chaos in there life they will be fine . Of course we all know this is not true. They are in utter denial the true cause of all there problems . It took me a very long time to realize that I could not control him I was totally powerless over his addiction . I can remember one day standing in front of him telling him all of his problems were drug related . Of course he denied it he had too fix all the other chaos in his life . That was my breaking point for the first time in years I was able too look at him and think this person is truly sick, he truly doesn't see what others see, he thinks he's fine ??? It was like standing in front of a total stranger . I was sick of being sick and tired . Take care of yourself , and your own program & healing . I'm sorry you've been so hurt. That's what addicts do. None of us know what there bottom will be its his journey. Sounds like your on your way too a journey of recovery yourself . Keep coming back to SR know you are not alone .