Like an unnamed mod said, you have to take it a day at a time Jeremy
It's going to be difficult..that's why you need as much support as you can find...
if you don't like AA that makes it harder because I'm not sure how many of the meeting based secular groups like SMART or LifeRing are near you.
It's not a catastrophe tho. I think you could make a lot more use of SR.
Post in the Class of April support thread, join the 24 hour Recovery connection thread - thats a good fun way to commit to staying sober each day.
The more days you get through the easier this will be Jeremy.
I've never met anyone who was incapable of getting sober if they really wanted to be - I see no reason why you would be the exception.
Forget about the past...I think you'll find the vast majority of people here just want what's best for you
D