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Old 04-23-2015, 08:37 PM
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Thatdeliveryguy
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Join Date: Jan 2014
Location: Reno, Nv
Posts: 873
So you did wrong

You know, I've done so much wrong, I wronged so many people. I've been horrible to my wife and daughter. I ignored everyone, I lied, cheated, stole, been wronger then wrong.

I honestly don't know there is an redeemable quality. On numerous occasions, I thought to myself Jeremy, you drunk a hole what is your value look at what you've done. It was an endless hell, stuck in bed all day, months and at least 2 years in bed. Then the voices came, they told me to kill me, they told me I was a horrible person, " the prophesies must be fulfilled, they need a sacrifice, time to die".

A bit disturbing, I am very honest and open about my diagnosis and where I go, I am a bit off and bounce all over the place. Depression, and voices, and anxiety just about took me. I don't even know where I am at today on occasion. A neurotic, deceitful twit, its not that I don't know, its more like how do you change?

Waking up and knowing I can't gamble, I can't drink, I can't use drugs, I can't do anything, I must be sober. I mean really what do normal people do, I am at a loss. What the hell? Wife wants me to dance with her, a ballroom sort of thing! Really, no TDG ( Jeremy) says no..... We don't dance.

Really, so much wrong and horrible things in my life, so many i've wrong and things that I can't even speak of, but you know I am still here! Still here! What else can I do or want they say, I don't know, I'd like the voices and anxiety to completely to go away, but even meds don't always work.

I am in rehab, only about 8 days sober, I messed up last week, if the situation were looked at over 2 months it would look good, bu still not sober. The depression, forcing myself to get out daily, riding the anxiety out, we're talking sweating and thinking death is going to get me. The voices, I think I am cursed, I think I might have to live with them forever, the meds are only partially working.
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