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Old 04-23-2015, 03:01 PM
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Aellyce
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Join Date: Jul 2010
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Hi Jeremy.

I am glad that you had that counseling experience and that you are writing about it here. There is a lot of good stuff to check out on the web about narcissism if you are interested, including serious psychological theories in books and articles. I got very interested in it a few months ago and jumped into learning about it quite deeply... my interest came from my own experiences with people who have narcissistic tendencies, and how I tend to relate to them -- it really intrigued me. If you are going to read up on it, I would be selective in what info I value, perhaps get some recommendation from your counselor; I think there is also a lot of misleading and superficial stuff around about this that often comes from resentments of people who were in relationships with people that had narcissistic features, and demonize the whole thing probably excessively, mythologize it, etc. I have also seen a few interesting threads on narcissism in the F&F sections and I would recommend them to you. If you learn about it more, you will see that the vulnerability/insecurity is in the essence, and the "typical" behaviors are coping mechanisms.

I agree with your counselor that recovery and family do not need to be separated necessarily, they are never isolated and perhaps black and white thinking is just another kind of defense. You often discuss your family yourself: daughter, wife, etc. But yeah, you got to take recovery seriously and prioritize it in order to even have a chance to repair your family relationships. And maybe listen to those that are trying to help you instead of yourself, for a while. See what happens that way. You say in this post that recovery comes first for you, but your history does not speak for that at all so far. Make it happen! Based on what you just wrote, perhaps the feature that your counselor criticized (if it's genuine) could actually come to your advantage if you could put all your energies into recovery in an honest way.
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