Dop - I love your preciseness of expression, you certainly have a way with words. You defined a feeling I know and have never much examined.
MG....I was dead and mostly still am. What you say makes perfect sense to me. Every once in a while I get a little piece of life back. Usually from the eagerness, enthusiasm and appreciation of my gym buddy friend...it is his response to what I try to share with him that evokes this. I thought it would come from my grandson, but it is a 16 yr old kid.
I, like you, am used to the void. It is simply my reality that I live with.
Sometimes I hide it and package it well. Somedays it's just my bare bones.
Too many losses, too many deaths.
I would not want the people I love to know I feel this way, they would feel they do not matter enough to me.
live