haennie,
I re-read my posts and just realized, in one sentence I am said it didn't really bother me that my ex was dating, but then I turn around and talk about the obvious heartache! Also, I have clearly stated that I am not ready to date yet I dipped my toes in an online dating venture. Funny how I can say one thing and do the other. I think you are correct and I really appreciate your honesty. I am still relatively new in sobriety, and am fragile. I just wish I could get over this nagging feeling of jealousy. I only found out about my ex the day before yesterday, and even though I thought I was over it it still hurts. I can just give it more time and work on myself, I know deep down that it will be the most rewarding option to explore. I guess even an online relationship could bring in more feelings, rejection, confusion that could distract me from my primary goal. I was indulging in the thoughts of having to confirm that I am still desirable now that I am truly single. I have a gut feeling, a knowing that I am, but still doubts creep in.
I'm so thankful for this place where I can come to bounce my ideas off of other people with more experience so they can help me to filter out and discard thoughts that might be just a distraction. I know I gotta stay the course and it will get better. Back to the 10% thing, I gotta look at that being that yeah this is a major event in my life and its 90% up to me how I navigate it, and most importantly keep my sobriety.
My temp therapist told me to write, so I am writing here and it is actually helping. I have to go through the grieving process, I just thought I was through it, but more was revealed and more will be. I feel strong.