Thank you very much Dandylion and cambie03. My husband did look at me this morning as I was flipping out and said "I need help". I've heard that before when he is drunk. I think he truly wants to be sober but he cannot accept he is an alcoholic. After a bender he will express regret, etc. Maybe make a few calls to people in AA and then.....nothing. He does nothing for his recovery and starts to think "well....maybe just a few shots..." And we are off to the races! He has been battling this for 15 years or so. He's been through rehab SEVERAL times before I met him, has "One day at a time" tattoed on his forearm yet still falls back into this "why cant I be normal?" mentality. It just occured to me as I type this that I wonder if alot of my fear and anger comes from being afraid that him hitting his "rock bottom" will effect my life so much that I will feel as if I have reached a rock bottom. I'm afraid of him dying, afraid of him getting in trouble - DUI or something, afraid he wont have a job (like now!) etc. I feel, even when he is "sober" that something BAD is about to happen because of his drinking.