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Old 04-23-2015, 09:42 AM
  # 9 (permalink)  
zoso77
Curmudgeon, Electrical Engineer, Guitar God Wannabe
 
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Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Where the mighty arms of Atlas hold the heavens from the Earth
Posts: 3,403
Originally Posted by Nowiamawas1026 View Post
Oh man, I just got a little fan girly seeing Zoso reply....again, I've been on this forum for a while...

How can I not personalize it? He lied to me (yet again) for a year about the weed. He doesn't think it's a problem at all, he doesn't see that although he isn't taking pills, he still is an addict. He has been down right awful to me. Like to the point of standing me up, and then wanting to joke around the next day about something at work (we both work in the same field)

I have stood up for him to my friends and colleagues at work, when everyone was begging me to leave him...and this is what I get? Now he's a ******* stoner on top of it. Wonderful.

It's weird being angry about it. I've been so sad about it all for so long. I'm fed up. I'm pissed that I couldn't help him at all (again I'm a nurse- so it's like extra hard to admit defeat)

I will say, i wish I would have posted sooner....it's nice knowing you guys have been through all the craziness. And made it out to be even better versions of yourselves. I hope to get to that place. I need to get to that place.
Kid...step back for a second.

You've been lurking for how long, exactly? How many stories have you read? How many stories have hit home with you? What's the common thread through all of it?

I'll tell you what it is: they're addicts, and this is what addicts do.

Someone in active addiction lies, cheats, steals, manipulates, and behaves like a sociopath without any remorse for the carnage they leave in their wake. Look up my post history and see how my AXGF behaved. Look up Ann's. Look up katie44's; her AS's behavior is completely, utterly despicable and chilling.

Think of it this way. Moms like Ann and katie went above and beyond in terms of trying to help their children. How did their children respond to that motherly love and support?

Poorly, to put it mildly.

And their behavior has nothing to do with their mothers. It's all about them, their cognitive dysfunction as a result of addiction, and how that dysfunction leads to horrible behavior.

Yes, you stood up for him, because that's what people do when they care about someone. The problem is he's unable to absorb it. If you've read my posts, how many times have I used the "hole in the bottom" metaphor when describing an addict? You pour love and support in, it comes out of the bottom immediately. That has nothing to do with you, and everything to do with him.

Mind you, I'm not saying you don't have reason to be angry, because you sure as f--k do. But what trying to tell you, as gently as I can, is when you devalue him -- referring to him as "garbage" -- you're not doing yourself any favors. That will work against you.

Trust me. Been there, done that, lived to tell the tale.

Do your best to dial it back, even if it's just for seconds at a time.
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