hopenlove15,
It is very, VERY difficult (what you are going through). There is not a person
on these boards that cannot empathize.
You were severely victimized, but it appears you have enough center to
recognize the truth and the neccessity of protecting yourself.
Sometimes......perhaps most times, the eyes reading these boards think......
what can these strangers do for me? These disembodied voices? They can't help
me with rent or anything tangible......
The most powerful thing in the world is an idea. The material world seldom
(if ever!) holds back a spirit that has decided on a course of action.
As far as not knowing who he is anymore, I think that could be a very
accurate assessment. Everything we knew about the person is gone. The shell
is recognizeable but it is much like a long ago molted large insect--- an exoskeleton
that LOOKS like who we used to know, but all that is inside is a being bent on
trading on that recognition for resources.
The last time I ever saw the addict I cared about, she was summoned from
the rear of a dope house-----the look on her face was pure relief ("Thank God this
sucker still believes my lies and comes to bring me money")
Was I found so unutterably sad was the truth that (from day 1) I had never
truly entertained the idea of believing a single one.
They are the ones who are in freefall, it is they and they alone who must
decide if their life is worth reaching for the ripcord.
Again, we understand and empathize (deeply) with how much this hurts.