Similarly to my friends on here, I act like a nut when I drink. And once I start I can't stop. So the nut surfaces often. I've offended and gotten physical with my closest family members. I see now I am at a precipice. I can keep at it and lose everything or stop and keep what I believe to be a very blessed life.
It's tough, especially when you're alone. I too was by myself in a town 4 hours from family and friends to complete my doctorate degree. I drank way too much. I still cringe at my behavior from that time. I am in the process of using those memories productively and channeling them into sobriety - as my friends have taught me on here.
I am still new at sobriety myself but I know I must fight for it, because it will destroy my life.