I'm sorry for you situation but I would say things look grim. I go to multiple different groups and know around 100 people in recovery and not one of them condones the use of any mind altering substance unless it is prescribed and taken as directed.
Relationships are discouraged in the first year for a million reasons but many do not heed the advice and often end with bad outcomes.
I agree he has likely not worked the steps. Does he have a sponsor?
There is a term I learned here and it is called Quacking. Quacking is all of the BS that alcoholics tell others and themselves so the can continue to use. To me it sounds like a lot of quacking and I have quacked enough to recognize a fellow quacker