Thread: My Story
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Old 04-21-2015, 04:19 PM
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BD84
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Join Date: Apr 2015
Location: Georgia
Posts: 188
My Story

Here I am. Admitting for the first time in my life that I need help. So, here is my story.

I grew up in the South. Fishing, hunting, Braves Baseball, and copious amounts of college football. I lived a normal life and drinking was normal for a good ole boy. I started when I was 14 with small amounts and it felt great. That lasted through highschool and by college we were laying out all night killing large amounts of Natty Light. This lasted into my professional career and soon I began to calm down and not hit the bars.

I was on and off with a girlfriend for 6 years. In our first long off spell I got in great shape but was hitting the liquor hard on the weekends. I had some unfortunate things happen at a great job (unrelated to alcohol) and changed jobs. The place I went to ended up being a very bad place and I went into a very dark time in my life. The stress I was feeling was far beyond any I had ever felt. Anxiety about the future started to kick in and I started blaming myself for some issues the ex and I were going through that was of no fault of our own. It was at this point I started medicating. I was leaving work one day a beer drinker/weekend warrior(liquor) and thought I am going to pick up a pint of vodka and some OJ to heal this horrible feeling. It was at this point that I look back and realize I $(^#&$ up!

I was "medicating" most weekdays and hiding it because the ex was not an understanding individual. Ahhhh, once you learn to hide it things go downhill. So, we broke up and fortunately it was not long after I met the love of my life. Not so fortunately I had already learned to hide what had already become a problem. So, time passes, we get engaged, job is the same, I am still medicating and hiding 75% of it. This is where I got from "I have this under control" to "This sucks".

I wind up in the hospital for what was "High BP due to stress". I soon realize the high BP was due to withdrawal and stress. At this point I am ashamed of what I have let happen. Well after landing a dream job I continue to drink and start feeling the effects of withdrawal when I attempt to limit it. Which limiting to me is going number of days with out and chilling out with the constant liquor consumption. Well, it is going OOOK. My main issue is sleep. BP rises on day one sober and getting to sleep is rough and I feel bad after just like a hangover. So when I do slip there is that demon saying "Well at least you can sleep" Any advice here would be great!

I have not made it 3 days without a drink in a year, 4 days in years, a week in God knows. I am on day 2. I know that a great life and a great marriage is riding on this and I do very well with being sober until around the 3 day mark. That truck takes a right out of work towards the liquor store every time. I want to fix this and manage the urges so I don't have to go cold turkey due to shakes, DT's and being a 100% full alcoholic. If I can not manage it without hitting the liquor and getting sloppy then cold turkey I will do but do want to get this under control now so to not have to be a hobbit and can have a few beers with friends. Hiding liquor and drinking on the way to the social gathering is not "A few beers with friends".

Any advice on sleep and making this 3 day mark will be great. I am at home and feel sooo much less anxiety knowing that I am going to exercise well, eat well, feel well, and not hide anything. My main 2 issues are sleep and that d@&% 3 day mark. I can do this and return to a normal life. I know I have no choice if I want to live a happy life with the woman and family. Alcoholism is not happy for us or loved ones.

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