Originally Posted by
paintballguy 
"half measures do nothing" it says and the whole program is based on giving yourself to god
People poke fun at the idea of using a doorknob as their god, yet believe in a white haired bearded man who sits in the clouds and keeps tabs on each and every one of us.
The longer I'm sober, the more "giving yourself to god" simply means to me allowing things to be as they are. God, a force, a power, a natural order of things, a universal intelligence, a bearded guy, a radiator, a doorknob... as much as I hate to say it, I really don't think there is a whole lot of difference with any of them. It's the belief part that ties it all together. Along with a desire to be a better person, and let go of our death grip on control.
I began calling my HP (which doesn't fit many traditional definitions), god, and it worked. I prayed to that god, and it worked. I don't understand it, and I don't question it any more, I just do it and incorporate the steps as best I can in my daily life. It's gotten me 30 contented years of sobriety, with lots and lots of growth, and things I never dreamed of - sobriety included. Like you, I initially had no intent of staying sober for life. I loved drinking. Then a day turned into a week, turned to a month, turned to year, turned to a decade, etc. Never had any desire to go back to the old life.
Some people make a life out of meetings. I don't think there's anything wrong with that if that's what they choose and it works for them. Again, like you, that's not anything I ever wanted. Yet I committed myself to AA bigtime for the first few years and have no regrets. I considered it a bridge back to life, and it took me quite a while to reprogram this brain. I didn't get sucked in as I feared I might. My life doesn't, and has never really revolved around AA (outside those first few years), but AA has taught me that sobriety is and always will be my absolute #1 priority.
I'd say hang in there a bit longer, and find what resonates with you. The 12 steps are possible without a belief in "god". For me it was about unconsciously finding a creative use (or definition) for that word.
Should note that if I didn't have the 12 steps in my life, I truly believe I'd be drunk, dead, or one of those miserable guys who's life revolves around meetings only.