Originally Posted by
Elseware 
My triggers are sometimes when I'm feeling good. I want to feel even better. Live it up a little. Sometimes I'll sit and think of the pleasure of alcohol or opiates slipping over me like warm chocolate sauce, this is VERY bad and a real trigger so if my mind goes there, I listen to music or read a sexy novel. Or go find my husband and kiss and hug him. Or sometimes I exercise. This gets those endorphins going a little
Other triggers are when I feel overwhelmed with anxiety. To much to do and not enough energy to do it. Getting high gives me energy at the beginning. I deal with this by saying "NO" much more often than I ever did before. It's dangerous for me to get over tired. Sometimes people don't like it when I say no to them and I've had to learn to deal with other people's being "mad" at me. This was uncomfortable for a very long time and still is. I'm learning to tolerate it, and rest when I need it.
What is NOT a trigger for me is a crisis situation. I'm great when the going gets rough. It's the day to day boring reality that will bring on the niggling to get high.
To much disorder around my house is another one. I am learning to be careful about picking up after myself and everyone else if it comes to that, because I really can't stand big messy houses around me. That's when some of the overwhelming anxiety can slip in. I need very much to keep up with cleaning up my environment.
So that's some of my things
Geez. Those are all the same triggers for me, especially happiness. I hate having a messy house. I have one right now.
I am not doing very well, but I am not craving alcohol, yet. I am expecting that to happen.
My sister-in-law is being very demanding right now. She has been forwarding me very stressful emails between her and her ex. He is an authentic sociopath - she is emotional and irresponsible (but a usually nice person and a friend). The thoughts and feelings I am having while just glancing at the novel-sized email thread made me very uneasy and anxious. This former family member has been physically abusive and most of all, mentally abusive (the latter to all of us). He has caused an enormous rift in my husband's family. I cannot even talk or think about it because it is overwhelming. I cannot be around it or exposed to it. I deleted the emails she sent. I won't read them.
Then she sends me a volley of text messages:
where have you been? I NEED your help? You have time for everyone else and this project, but you don't have time to respond?!? She was expecting me to help her write a legal summary tonight to get visitation to see her kids. I needs to be done by tomorrow. Yep. It is 9 PM in my world.
I simply texted her that I was busy dealing with a health-related issue. What bothers me is that I have done so much for her over the last 15 years - to an almost codependent level. I need time for self-care and sobriety is the most important health issue. I am there for everyone except me. I have always been that way - this kind of stuff is a major trigger for me. I do care about her and her bad situation, but for me, this is life and death.
