Could it be that you think you have "failed" because something inside you (the AV or the "Beast") wants you to start drinking again? Don't fall for that. And please don't stop posting. If one step back and two steps forward you may get to one step back and three steps forward. Then more steps forward and no steps back. You may stumble, even fall, at first but you will gather strength if you persist. Stick with it and keep posting. Never Surrender!