Checking in. I lost three carefully-composed responses to thread. Ack!
I can relate to the bottle-hiding guilt and being a slave to my alcohol inventory around the house. It was awful. I was so exhausted by my constant lies, excuses, manipulations and the resulting deterioration that I couldn't handle it. I knew I was an alcoholic alright, and that what I was doing was very spiritually and socially irresponsible. I promised myself I would quit soon so I could move past the guilt and stress of the slow unraveling of my life. 'Soon' stretched on for months.
I am starting to feel stress and an itch of boredom coming on. If I don't address it, I will be back where I started - if not today, then some other time in the near future. I am a little bit proud of myself for actually recognizing and identifying my feelings. Before, I didn't even know what I was feeling or that it was even there until I blew up, melted down or hid under my covers for 2 days straight.
Today is different. I am going to plan ahead and do some self-care for the day and get a handle on things before I am overwhelmed.