Evening all,
Well it is the end of day thirteen for me. I guess that thirteen is not such an unlucky number after all.
Physically, I am tired. I had to take something for the headache around midmorning as it just got progressively worse. After that it seemed to clear up until this afternoon, when I had to take something again. It is a good sign as I think the headaches are on their way out, slowly but surely. The burning sensation under the skin down the side of my face has now reduced to a numbness. I am sure that this is another good sign and that this too is on its way out. The hand shakes are now barely perceptible even to me. I really had to look closely to see it.
Mentally, I am still sharp and focussed. I have started a new book, more on that later, and was able to concentrate on that without being distracted by anything. I even absorbed most of it. So my short term memory is coming back. I will have to check myself later on the long term memory, but I can recall events; names and places from the books that I have read since I have become sober. Trust me, I have read quite a few books.
Emotionally, it has been a mostly stable day. I have had some feelings rush at me out of the blue. Some bad thoughts too. I think I may have a way of dealing with them. I surmised in an earlier post that I did not suspect the AV for some of these thoughts. Turns out I may have been wrong. I won't say too much on this until I have put my theory into practice. Once I can prove or disprove it, I will comment further on it.
It has been a rather chilly day here in SA, so I did not venture out too much. The only times I went out were to have a smoke - I am still sticking to my self imposed ban of not smoking real cigarettes in the house or in the car. I did the tasks I had to do around the house. They consisted mostly of cleaning and packing things away that were just taking up space. Once that was done I read. Now back to the book. I am currently reading, or should I say have almost finished, a book called "The monkey on my shoulder". It deals with the twelve steps and recovery, but is very pro on the meetings. Although I have stated earlier that I am not into the meetings or anything like that, I still found that the book has some very good advice. Although I have not read any AA type literature before, I was very pleasantly surprised to find that many of the steps mentioned coincided with my own recovery plan. I would recommend this book to anyone starting out on their journey. It is very insightful to our problem and to the way that the AV works. They just refer to it as the monkey on your shoulder.
The appetite is still there. I was very chuffed with myself today. Not only did I have a good lunch, but I even managed to have a braai (SA slang for barbecue) with a huge plateful of salad to accompany the meat for dinner. I have managed to bring my chocolate consumption down - I only but the Lindt 90% cocoa chocolate. I like dark chocolate, but even this stuff is a bit much. Two blocks out of the slab and your mouth is numb. I had three NA beers during the day. The first was after 13H00 and the other two were with dinner. I quite seem to like the NA beer, although I don't drink it in anything close to the quantities that I would drink normal beer, so that is another positive. I think I have found my drink for those inevitable work functions.
So that's where I stand at the end of day thirteen. Not a completely broken man, not Superman either, but rather a recovering alcoholic on the mend. I actually feel comfortable with that statement.
I have read a lot of posts here on SR over the weekend as I find that it keeps me feeling good. I have read a few posts where some people have relapsed - all I can say is get back on the bicycle, try again and hang in there. It really does get better as each day goes by. The deal we have to make with ourselves is as simple as this - I will not drink today (plan). How do we do this - baby steps. One day, one hour and if all else fails one minute at a time (method).
Be safe and be strong.
Cheers,
ZAB