Im sooooo sorry and trust me I feel for you.
About 1 1/2 years ago I put my independant life into my ex-ABF hands to help him build his business, I was totally financially dependent on him and much the same happened... I came last, to make it worse after I asked him to leave he "said" he was going to counceling and would get help so I went back to him and then put my daughter into the situation.... needless to say it did not work. He decided to get sober and went to AA and it was downhill from there, my daughter and I moved out 2 weeks before Christmas while he was sleeping with is new AA girlfriend who understood him.
You have taken the first step..... your looking for help, you seem to know what the problems for you are... now you just have to break them down and fix them one at a time... though Im new to Al-non and AA... I cant hurt to give it a short, at the very least you will find that your not alone and others have gone through it and survived.... you will too.
I like what Minx said to start... go out and get a haircut, and do one thing or two that makes you feel "good" then go to an Al-non meeting /theraphy.....
We are always here to help and listen, and you inspire us more then you know.
Take your life back hon.... its yours to live