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Old 04-19-2015, 08:22 AM
  # 176 (permalink)  
Aellyce
Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 10,912
I am very sorry to hear about the latest news in Mary Ann's condition. I don't have much wisdom to offer that wasn't already expressed above by all the wonderful people who commented recently. I'm going through a period of fatigue and intense emotions myself and I think I understand how we "lose it" temporarily sometimes when either the external or internal challenges become overwhelming. You clearly are doing what is humanly possible to support Mary Ann and be there for her both practically and emotionally. I do understand though feeling helpless, limited, and exhausted sometimes when trying to push our limits, and when there are obvious limits beyond our control. Please be gentle with yourself while experiencing these things.

I sometimes found connection and moments of transcendence in these sad situations that I could not imagine without experiencing it directly..., new heights of purpose and unity that I did not know existed before... it's not something I can easily describe in words but I am sure you know what I am talking about. As for the mood swings and anxiety... well, I would say something would not be quite right if you did not feel these. All dimensions of our humanity challenged by situations like what you are in, sometimes in unexpected ways, and when we would prefer to stay calmer, I believe.

I also think that losing compassion for people who seemingly never learn from their experiences and continue destructiveness endlessly is perfectly normal. I commented on this here on SR before, that I believe completely unconditional love probably only exist in myths about saints, or perhaps in parental love... but maybe not even that. We are programmed to survive and to want to survive for the most part, and this instinct inevitably involves selectivity in our choices and emotions.

I agree with Venecia about your ability to mix sensitivity/kindness with insight, and will add in a genuine way that would stand out in any environment, I believe. The posts here speak for this clearly. You have helped so many on here, and I am sure IRL as well, probably in ways that go sometimes far beyond the moment when the interaction occurs. Definitely been the case with me as well and my expression is only scratching the surface.

Be yourself, my friend, the whole palette that is so undeniably YOU
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