I feel the need to lay it all on the line. I'm so tired of hiding behind half-truths.
Over the past three years, I've gained 50#. I used to run most days, lift weights and watch what I ate. My drinking started increasing. I lost jobs, I lost relationships, I lost myself.
I graduated college 10 months ago. I thought that was the answer. I thought I'd land a great job. My life would improve. I'd finally live up to expectations.
Wrong. I've applied for 60+ jobs. I'm applying for more today. Currently, I'm unemployed. Once household bills and needs are taken care of, there is nothing left. I have no car. I feel like a failure every single day. I sit at home. I go workout. I watch tv. And I face daily that my life is a mess.
I know it can be better but I feel paralyzed and scared. I need a car to land the jobs I've been offered. I need a job to get a, car. I've reached out for help with no success. I've begged my ex-husband to allow me to use my twins car. He says no. I'm stuck and I've never been in this place before. I've always been a doer.
So, with this free time, it's time to focus 100% on recovery instead of using it as an excuse for relapse.
Maybe by fixing the inside, the outside will improve.