I'm afraid i just dumped the whole stinking bunch of ideas .
One day i'm not going to have a tomorrow, how much of the time between now and then am i willing to spend in misery looking to eff the ineffable .
I wanted life to be never ending bliss and beatitude without one moment of pain , alcohol was the nearest thing to that for me for a while .
Even then the pain invaded my bubble .
For me it was the desire which bought about my misery . Accepting everything the good , the bad and ugly means i have no questions about life , no hole to fill as anguish is caused when you don't have what you want .
It was my want of need that caused pain , the desire to escape the pain is the very thing which causes it .
Just drop the whole mess , time is flying by and there is a whole glorious world out there and we only live 80 odd years if we are lucky , how much time are you going to spend asking yourself unanswerable questions ? trying to fill this hole that doesn't physically exist .
I hear you saying oh thats easy for mex to say , yupp it is .. and like not drinking, it is very simple , it's just that we believe we'll loose something of ourselves in the dropping of it .