I drank. I could have easily pretended I didnt, but lying helps nothing.
This morning is typical: I feel like a failure, I'm sad. I had all of the tools I needed to get through the craving and chose to not use them.
Last night wasn't fun. The bar was packed and except for a couple of people, I was alone.
Today is a new day but I don't want that to be a hollow saying that allows me empathy and encouragement. I have to make this commitment 100%. There can be no wiggle room.
I'm so tired. I just need to reach deep into myself and truly see if I really want this 100%. Not 90%, not 99.9%...100%.
I don't want to feel like this anymore. I'm tired of feeling like this.
And the worst part is I don't have to but continue to make choices that lead me here.
That's insanity.
I picture myself, sober. I see so clearly who I am capable of being. Why am I so scared of her? I know her. I've been her. I am her.
I'm ready to admit I need help.