Welcome antlerman! You've come to a great site to get unconditional support from people who've stood and who are sometimes still standing where you are now.
I know waking up feeling ashamed and full of self-hatred must be overwhelming to you, not to mention the notion that you feel alone and alienated from your family. Like you, I tend to clean up my act for a short time-ten days was my max- and then slide back into old destructive habits. I'm wrapping up day 28 now and my view today compared to twenty days ago is completely different. I can't imagine how it must feel for those brave souls walking the earth who've accumulated months and years of sobriety.
I think at this point it's important to remember that you aren't alone, we've all been there; millions of people hit personal bottoms that are unspeakable. If you put in the work, develop a plan, make the necessary changes, and let your actions speak for you, I think you'll find your family will come around. Remember that our disease is a family disease; as fed up with your addiction as you yourself are, your family and friends have worried about you and tried to "fix" you for just as long. Maybe it isn't irreparable, it just takes time. Good luck, and look around the site here, talk to people, and be honest!