Me too.
Hey there. I make beats too, but my routine was to drink while making beats and then be hammered by the end of the music session, by myself albeit. I could barley focus on my ableton screen by the end of the night - and there was plenty of weed smoking going on too. When I played shows I was drunk, stoned, on coke, etc. So was everyone else. I had to actually seperate myself from making beats/music to start recovery b/c it was too much of a trigger. Hang in there, sounds like you are trying to make some positive changes. I am actually on lexapro now to help with anxiety/depression. It has really helped me lift out of the fog. Maybe talk to a psychiatrist - I never thought I would be on meds, but they help. I will be 100 days sober tomorrow.