I vehemently opposed anti depressants for decades. I have been diagnosed on the fetal alcohol spectrum, general anxiety disorder, Agorophobic and major dexpressive disorder. I used to think of those as negative labels and drank my way around them.
I would not, under any circumstances take medication. All I needed was my wine. And meditation, excercise, extreme healthy eating, spirituality, prayer, therapy and more therapy. flower essences. Yoga. I tried it all. Every natural method. For years and years and years.
When the alcohol started to outwardly kill me, and I had to stop or die, I realized there was something underlying that was always there, just masked.
6 weeks ago, I began a Ssri (Lexapro) and by golly, is it ever working. The first few weeks were challenging, but I can't honestly say, I'm finally feeling it working. And working well.
I hope you will be open to the help that is available to all of us.