Update on ex who wants to make amends: my instincts (and yours) were right
Thank you so much to those of you who offered advice about the ex who wanted to meet to make amends. I ended up emailing him with a version of what LBrain suggested: That I was glad to hear he was in recovery, that I appreciated him wanting to make amends, but that I did not need to meet and that I wished him the best.
Guess what? I got an excoriating email back from him about my selfishness and about how alone he feels right now and in need of support. Apparently, he got a DUI and has no family or friends who will help him (and by help, I imagine he might mean financial as well as emotional given the economics of our relationship in the past). A colleague who has worked the steps said that such a response suggest he may be in AA but he isn't "in it." Maybe he is there due to the DUI, who knows?
Needless to say, I deleted the email, with no plans to respond. But I'm left feeling sad and icky. I know that I should just count my blessings that I'm in such a different place now, but it is crazy how fast we can return to that place in the past that shadows us with shame and regret.