Why can't i quit?
I'm going to try not to whine here. I've gone to numerous AA meetings over the past 2 weeks, I'm reading the BB and I'm reading posts and blogs on SR, but I still can't stay away from alcohol. When I get upset, stressed or too emotional I inevitably turn to a bottle. I was actually clean for 8 full days. I was so happy and positive during that time. But then I fell back and ever since its been an every other day thing.
What's wrong with me? Why do I do this to myself. Inevitably after drinking I feel the shame, weakness, disgust with myself. Honestly I simply wish I could die. I am so afraid that this is what my life will be like for now on. I just don't see a light at the end of the tunnel.
I've emailed an addiction therapist. I pray that this will help.
Anyway, I know what I should do when the stress/cravings start; exercise, walk, watch a movie, sleep, etc. I don't know why I don't do these things. I guess I'm just wanting the alcohol too badly. how stupid is that?
Anyway, I pray that I will be able to kick this junk. I'm sick to death of this kind of life.