Eliasson, I'm sorry you're feeling so low.
Do not ever give up on the the desire for a better life. I tried to quit many times. Once I realized drinking was never going to help me cope, I was able to let go of it. Getting numb can never be an answer. While drinking we just stay in limbo - nothing gets resolved, we don't move forward. Please give sobriety another try - there's nothing in that bottle for us, only misery and despair. You can rise above this bad time and get back on track.