Plus AA really doesn't have hope in me anymore. I've tried to call Celebrate Recovery and no one gets back to me. There is not a Women for Sobriety group in my area. I realize my post looks like I'm feeling very sorry for myself (and it doesn't help that I said balidate instead of validate). I try really hard not to and to do the right thing. Except when it comes to alcohol. I'm starting to feel like I'm just crazy. I see people on here say they got sober when their desire to be sober was stronger than their desire to drink. Well as much as I want to be there, there has been so much pain in my life starting at age 12. The desire to drink and numb that out is still stronger than the desire to get sober, even tho I want to want that more. So can I overcome that?