Hey everyone, it's been a long time but I'm back.
Still been struggling with drinking and I can't seem to find a happy medium(part of me knows it doesn't exist) or quit booze all together. I've tried several times to quit cold turkey, and counting the days without booze is painful. I just can't detach the need to unwind with a drink with just about everything I have become so accustomed to doing. My brain is like, "oh, watching TV? Grab a drink. Meeting friends? Grab a drink. Working on some project? Grab a drink. You exercised? Good job, you definitely deserve a cold one!"
The past few years have been a roller coaster of regular drinking, abstaining, and bingeing; alcohol related drama and non-alcohol related drama that just resulted in further drinking to escape. Recently I've been particularly stressed due to personal issues and have been drinking daily to cope, which has kind of triggered my re-finding this forum.
I read through some of my old posts and I feel like not much has changed. I can't help but ask, do I even want to change? Why do I continue this cycle of guilt and feeling worthless? Part of me knows it's bad news but I keep doing the same thing over and over. It's really eating away at me. Sorry if anyone's tired about hearing the same old song but I need to find another outlet. Right now it's this or crack open another beer, so...