I hate to think of you on your own when you are feeling so low.
There is no judgment here, just concern and care for you.
I can imagine the job situation feels bad. Is there anyway you can explain what happened to your employer so at maybe you can get an okay reference?
I don't want to patronise you after the extreme ordeal that has happened, but time will help these bad feelings fade slightly.
Tomorrow is another day away from what happened.
Next week you may feel more positive.
I think things happen for a reason sometimes.
You can move on from this, I promise.