I see that. Between 1-2 years ago, I ended the denial stage where I admitted to myself that I knew for sure I have an alcohol problem. It was that admission which caused what i thought to be an improvement in my drinking behaviour, shorter binges and more forcing myself through cold turkey withdrawals and to spend more sober days per week. That is why it's so worrying right now to consider that what I thought was good work may actually have been even more dangerous than what I was doing before. However, today is the day when I admit to myself that I may be a lot, lot closer to crisis point than I thought.
I am due to be away from my home country for the next 5 weeks. I am not sure if I am capable of not drinking for this time. Unbelievably irrational, I know, but I fear that once my withdrawal symptoms die away I will convince myself that I overreacted.