Thank you to everyone who has replied. You have given me so much amazing stuff to think about. I am just throwing my toys out of the pram I think. Wailing and stamping my feet because I can't have everything I want in life, the easy way.
My dad is an alcoholic and much as I love him, he ruined my childhood. He used to be a drunk in the park, shoplifting, selling possessions, emptying my mum's bank account so we had no money, borrowing from loan sharks kind of drunk. And I have never been anything like that. I always damaged myself far more than anyone else. Thinking about it, maybe I am refusing to accept facts because I can't possibly be like him.