Hi all,
Well it is the end of day eight for me.
Physically I am shattered. I have had fatigue since 2 this afternoon and it has not lifted. I am drinking a cup of camomile tea as I have heard it helps with the sleep. I hope the insomnia monster stays away tonight. I can almost feel that it is going to be a good nights rest. The shaking in my hands is barely noticeable. I expected it to be worse so I am not complaining. My headache is gone, but I had to take something for it. I did not manage to get any exercise in today, so I think I am going to have to get it in at work instead. I will take the stairs at least once a day.
Mentally, I am as alert and sharp as can be with the fatigue. I did not experience any brain mist today. I am not sure that it has gone just yet, but I will keep an eye on it. Concentration and focus at work is unbelievable. The day just seems to fly past. It is actually a blessing in disguise as it takes my mind off other things. I seem to be finishing my work way before all my deadlines. I am not complaining as it gives me time to read through the posts here on SR as well as a bit of research.
Emotionally it has been a trying day. As I said in my morning entry, I have been feeling anger and pain/self pity the whole day. It is easy to say embrace it, but a whole other ball game to try and accomplish it. I hope tomorrow will be a different emotion set as I don't feel ready yet to deal with this one. I don't suppose I have a choice though. I am going to have to apply my plan to this with one added plan - baby steps.
The appetite is still there. I need to start eating healthier foods. I have cut back on the chocolate. I am still busy with the pack of cigarettes that I opened this morning. So that is good. I do not smoke in my car or the house. Instead I use the silver cigar in those places. I am trying to introduce fruit into my diet, so I bought some grapes. So now I have apples and grapes for fruit. I continue to take my vitamin supplements twice a day.
So what can I tell you after eight days AF. Day one and night one were hell. It just gets easier every day after that. I would say my physical state is about 90% healed. My mental state about 80% and my emotional state about 60%. I know that pretty soon I am going to get to the point where the healing returns are not as noticeable on a daily basis. I also know that I am going to get to a point where I am going to start having to work at certain issues to heal them. Up until now it has been sheer will power and fear getting me through each day. I have not really addressed any of the problems that I had while drinking, nor those that I chose to drink away. I think it is going to be tough, but I won't be the first to walk down this road.
I have read quite a few interesting posts on the forum the past few days. No, I do not go to AA. No I do not have a sponsor. I have done all this through reading and interacting with the wonderful folks here on SR. I do not have anything against AA or any of those excellent support groups, it is just not in my personality. I cannot say for certain that I will never go there, who knows what the future brings. I prefer to reason and think things through until I understand them. Anyway, the cats are on the bed, my eyes are drooping. I hope to have a good one tonight. It would be the first since I stopped.
Be safe and be strong.
Cheers,
ZAB