View Single Post
Old 04-13-2015, 10:43 PM
  # 34 (permalink)  
themadone
Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2015
Posts: 11
Hi again
I thank you for all your previous messages, it is truly comforting. I did tell my parents about my addiction. They already knew as I suspected. I will give some background to this. I told my brother a few years ago I was an alcoholic and I remember the response of "you're a hypochondriac". It was devastating to me. Not because I believed him but because he did not believe me. I confided in one friend who had a similar response. It centres around my age. "Someone so young cannot possibly be an alcoholic" is the mantra.
Recently I have been drinking ridiculous amounts. We are talking 100 plus units a week. I have actually been drunk or hungover for 3 years. I forgot what it feels like to be normal. When i say normal i mean just feeling psychically normal. So I suppose things are getting worse since I posted. The thing is alcoholism is so damn clever. There is always an excuse or reason to drink.
This is also coupled with depression which makes everything harder. I also tried to kill myself by tying a plastic bag over my head and going to sleep.I survived by, presumably, breaking a hole when I was frantically trying to stay alive. The experience was incredibly painful, your body will do everything to cling on to life. I can't explain the feeling it was horrible; like someone stabbing the lungs constantly. The last 30 seconds before I passed out were different though. I presume it was a lack of oxygen, I felt really nice and warm. I hallucinated smiling faces and thought it was all over. I don't think many people have faced death. I certainly thought it was all over. At this stage I was content. BUT I woke up to my frantic mother screaming for help. Then the realization sinks in that you have done this to other people.
I can't quite believe I actually did this to myself. I mean both in alcohol and suicide. Remember when you were a kid? Did you ever think this would happen?
Anyway I am going to go to my GP. I have had enough of the alcohol and feeling ****.
themadone is offline