But even now, I still think about going back to it. I still want to and my brain tries to make me question if I really am an alcoholic or if I somehow "misdiagnosed" myself. Was I really that bad? What would it hurt to drink once a week? Maybe I can moderate now that I have broken the nightly drinking habit... Maybe I am not "ready" to give it up yet and fully commit to creating a sober life... These are the thoughts I have.
Everyone has these thoughts at some stage. What if, instead of these thoughts proving you're not an alcoholic, they prove you are?
With the destruction my relationship with alcohol caused, it would be insane for me to go back.
60 days can be a difficult period - long enough for us to forget the worst of our past, but not long enough for many of the benefits of recovery to be evident.
Give yourself a little time. You will find the urge to drink does fade away
So I guess at day 63 I still feel like I can go back and not lose a whole lot. But the further I get the more of a shame it will be. I know this is unhealthy thinking and might not make sense but these are the things that go through my head.
None of us know where the next drink might lead us. Alcoholism is a progressive disease and it gets harder and harder to stop. Being able to drink and get sober again in the past is unfortunately no guarantee you'll be able to do so this time - even at 60 days.
My sober record before SR was 8 weeks. I decided I could have a night off and start being sober again the next morning. It was over 2 and a half years before I stopped again.
Relapse is not inevitable tho
I finally accepted my alcoholism back in 2007. Instead of having 8 weeks sobriety I now have over 8 years.
You can have that too ItsJustMe
D