Aww Red, I am so sorry that your life has come to this point.
It's no wonder you are feeling negative, the addiction, betrayal, selfishness and lies eventually come to the surface , and leave us no choice, but to get brutally honest with ourselves.
Yes, you are going to experience loss and heartbreak. Break ups hurt, and yes there will be some emotional pain, but suffering is something you can control.
The one thing that truly did help me, ( and sorry if I sound like a broken record,) another member here shared practicing mindful awareness, and while nothing else was working at the time, i figured why not give it a shot.
Our brain is truly the most powerful organ in the human body, and with a bit of work and some practice, you truly do have the ability to shift your mood and lift yourself up. When all the what if's, and why's start to pull you down memory lane, having a "go to" plan in place can really ease the painful transition, and it also can be comforting to remember , that yep, I used to think for myself like this all the time, ( before addiction ruled my life)
I started with, there are millions of people living life free of an active addict and addiction, ( as a matter of fact, I used to be one of them) and I am choosing to live that way again, a simple conscience choice, of my own free will, set the ball in motion.
((( hugs))) it won't always feel like it does today, and thats a promise.