I failed. I had 8 days sober. I was so happy! I felt so good and so accomplished. Through out this time my partner had been encouraging and vocal on being proud of me which helped a lot! I had noticed on one nite that he had been drinking and I was so disappointed because him drinking in the house and having alcohol in the house is a weakness of mine. It's like I cannot seem to resist having that drink if it's in the house and someone else is drinking. I have confessed this to him and asked for his support in not having the stuff in the house. On that first night I was able to ignore his drinking and I did not drink. Then on Thursday when I got home from work he was very buzzed and had a bottle open in the house. I was so hurt and angry. He was so in the cups that his communication was silly, he kept asking the same questions, he couldn't focus. I tried to go to another room to get out of the situation but he kept insisting on us being together. Finally I had enough. I went to the store and bought a 1/2 pint and brought it home and drank it. Within no time I was passed out. I woke up the next morning mad at him for drinking and furious at myself for caving in and drinking. I did the same thing last night, because I was still mad. How stupid is that?! I know the only thing I was doing was hurting myself. I knew I should call someone or take a drive or something but I didn't. I went to an AA meeting last night before I drank. I felt so much envy for those at the meeting who were celebrating sobriety. they seem to have such a connection. I felt like I was on the outside looking in. I want to be sober. I don't want to drink, I hate it. I'm going to continue to try. I'll keep going to aa meetings, reading the big book and coming to SR. I felt like I needed to confess to someone that I failed. I'm not proud of it. I have to find my own way and I have to do something to handle trigger situations that do not include drinking.
Thanks for listening.