Four triggers and a funeral.
Had 11 days. Been struggling with ptsd.
My uncle died. I want to pay my respects to his family today though we aren't very close.
His son and I, we used to be friends. Up until I snapped out of a black out with him hanging over me, naked.
My brother will be there as well. I think he raped me when I was passed out. But I don't recall, really, just a flash of what looked eerily familiar, and his weird behaviour for a while after.
My nephew. Same as with the other, a friend I thought I could trust. Still feel his hands all over me while I needed someone to feel safe with, for once, just once, someone who wouldn't use me the first chance he got, but I should've known, that's why he liked to get me intoxicated as much as possible. Dependent. Knowing I had no-one else to turn to.
My mother. The one who started this mess, the pile of garbage that is me. Just a dumpster for everyone to use. I have to drive with my parents to the crematorium, my brother being the only other option. I don't drive my car as I'm sure I'll crash it into a tree, or drive it into the river. I can never be the good girl she wants, cause as soon as I am, she changes her mind about how I should be. I wish I could just leave, just disappear, but my horses live with them and I don't want to think about what they will do to them, to punish me, when I refuse to be used anymore.
I'm sorry about this. Funeral is in thirty minutes and I don't know what to do.