You know, I've had increased thoughts of drinking lately and have had times of struggle where I've had to remind myself that I can't drink. I've thought "I want to get drunk". But when I see bottles of alcohol, they don't register. When I see the alcohol I don't think "Hey! I want to try that!" It's weird. Almost like viewing a blank tv screen. I've put some thought into why I want to get drunk but the sight of alcohol doesn't cause these thoughts and it's because it is the idea of escaping mentally for a while that is the appealing bit. Erasure of mental pain. It isn't the feel good intoxication that I miss. It's the escape. I don't know if that makes any sense but I'm still sober. I'm not going to drink.