My RAH informed me he was done with counseling after today's session. He told me I could go solo if I wanted to. I knew this was coming. It made me sad, but I knew it was definitely time to speak up out how lonely I was. Not that I haven't before, but I get dismissed.
So I went and pulled out my step 9 amends work regarding my H and decided it was going to be said. I talked about it with my sponsor and she supported me. I reviewed all of the comments she made, cut it further as she had suggested. And I read it tonight in counseling. First off, my RAH closed up and did not hear it as an apology. He screwed his face up and kept looking away from me. However, this could be bc he cannot admit to the pain & distance his addiction has placed on our marriage. So his reaction proved that he was not far enough in his recovery. My sponsor was definitely accurate in her assessment.
Secondly, Mr T was not particularly pleased. He has always been pretty lukewarm on 12 step work so I wasn't surprised. He said he would prefer a warning that I would do such a thing. He could see why I did it there though. I apologized to him for not forewarning him. But hey, what else are you supposed to do in your final 50 minutes? I was not particularly sorry. He sort of helped bring me to this point - being able to calmly and carefully make an amends for how controlling I have been and speak up that living without emotional and physical intimacy is slowly killing me. Big day for me.
Surprisingly, Mr. T got my H to agree to individual therapy. For two sessions. He did schedule, and I will pray that he goes.
So my last part of this step is a ritual of self forgiveness. I did wrap up Step 11. Today I created a daily checklist for step 10. I will get busy on this last piece, so I can fully move into 10. I will try to leave RAH to his thoughts.